


outbreak tales

by DewanHoWright



Category: Ellie x Dina - Fandom, The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, Other, dellie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25491550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DewanHoWright/pseuds/DewanHoWright
Summary: mundane depictions of Ellie and Dina's life after Seattle, before Sta Barbara | i accept prompts ✉️
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	1. luck

_Fuck_.

It's the first thing that crosses her mind. She can't say it aloud since her breath is coming out in gasps of blood. Her sight is no better from the skilful punches the blonde threw at her.

She wasn't the only victim, though.

The petite girl turns her head sideways ever so slowly and catches a distinct body on the floor, motionless. On her elbows, she manages to crawl towards it. "Dina?", her voice cracks, "Please… Dina, say something."

As she reaches the girl's back, she spots the Hamsa bracelet on her arm. _So much for giving good luck, uh…_ and as though some sarcastic superior being had just heard her thoughts, the Jewish girl moves under the palm of her hand also ever so slowly, "Babe", she grunts and Ellie finally has a moment to breath, "...fuck."

"Couldn't have said better."

The two girls don't know how long it took them to lay down on their backs again but they eventually did. Now, Ellie assists her girlfriend to sit down.

"Are you…", she hovers her trembling hand over Dina's stomach, "Are _you_ okay?".

Dina sighs and brings their hands to rest on her lap, "I guess, yeah".

"Okay."

They help each other get on their feet, both walking with caution through the seats rows. The brunette licks her dry lips, ferrous taste going down her throat. They push the door open together and immediately hold hands at the view. Jesse's body is at their left on the floor, his round lifeless face soaked in blood - Ellie shields Dina's sight with her shoulders; Tommy's body is just a bit farther, his head no better than Jesse's.

"What are we gonna do?", Dina asks behind shaky hands.

"W- Working on it", she clenches her hands in agony. Yet again she loses those close to her. Yet again, caring about her got people killed. _Quit it, Ellie_ , she berates herself as her breath starts acting up, _not the time_. She takes a deep breath and looks back from where they came from, them at Dina, "The way we are, we ain't gonna be able to take them back to Jackson by ourselves", Dina nods, "I say we wrap 'em up... and go back for help."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Good", they nod in agreement and part ways to find sheets and ropes.

The sun is starting to lit up the place when they sit down to assist Jesse and Tommy. Dina silently cries as she turns her ex-boyfriend's body over and over until he's just a cocoon. Ellie wants to say something but she damn sure knows there is not a thing to be said now - neither done, besides covering Tommy as he did to Joel back in the lodge.

"Fuck, Tommy. I'm so sorry", she grabs the rags and sheets she gathered and starts wrapping them around his legs, his hips, the tears build up when she reaches his torso but then she jumps back and as soon as her butt touches the floor again she hops on him eagerly, "Oh God, Tommy?!", Dina looks at her and they both spot the faint ups and downs of his chest. Ellie holds her knife in front of his mouth and they let a wet laugh out when the sharp blade gets foggy.

As they hear through the few days Tommy required to get better, the WLF is practically over. Every couple hours someone would try contact to no avail. Some stranded soldiers ended up going deeper in the island forest, others were shot in the middle of their calls. The trio concluded it was safe to stay at the theater for a while to rest up.

However, time's ticking for Jesse's body.

"We better get a move on", said Tommy. He's sitting on a crate whilst Dina finish changing his blood-soaked bandage. Ellie's on another crate, cleaning her weapons and fixing her strained arm. She looks at her bracelet and muses she was lucky to be alive after going against that goliath of a woman. _What was I fucking thinking, honestly… I didn't think things through_ , she looks at what's supposed to be Jesse and frowns, _I didn't think at all._

"Ellie?" She shots her eyes up at Tommy and Dina and says "Ellensburg was the plan, right?", Tommy nods, "We stick to it."

Now that they are three and even though Tommy's got only one good eye now, they manage to carry Jesse's body across the lowlands. Somewhere on the way the old man finds a couple of calm horses not so hard to tame. Tommy rides with the body while Ellie takes Dina. She's glued to her back.

"Robin deserves his son back", she says, "This is the right thing to do."

Dina's been talking in short sentences the whole trip and both Ellie and Tommy knew she was more trying to convince herself than actually talking to them.

Ellie nods and replies "We're all going home." Dina hugs her even tighter.

They see the lights of Jackson already when Tommy signs them to catch up with him.

"This ain't gonna be easy", his hands tightens around the reins, "I'll talk to them. You two go get some rest, alright?"

"I need to talk to his parents."

"Later", he takes a deep breath, this loss reminding him of the time Joel had to grieve Sarah's deceased body, "They need their time, the three of 'em."

Dina nods knowingly despite her urges - she also needs them, they are family to her. And she also needs to grieve her former partner, forever buddy. It wasn't the time, though.

It's been a week since they returned to Jackson. At the second day Jesse's parents came at Ellie's door to check on them, to see Dina. Ellie stayed inside to give them privacy at the porch. Dina and Jesse dated for quite a long time. Even Ellie was aware she couldn't be jealous. They do have a bond. And now with their son gone… Ellie's eyes get watery as she sees through the window the old couple hugging the tan girl, caressing her belly.

The couple was lying on Ellie's bed in silence when the freckled girl moved to rest on her girlfriend. Luckily that day's been a good day, minor nausea only, no damn cramps. Dina acknowledges her shifting by a thick eyebrow rising in curiosity. Auburn hair is tucked under her chin as the girl looks down.

"Wanna touch it?", she asks with a gentle smile. Bruised eyes look up at her, confused, "You haven't touched it yet."

Ellie said nothing. She was on her elbows, staring at Dina's belly.

"Uh, are you disgusted by it or…"

"No", she snaps, "God, no! There is no way I'd be disgusted by anything about you."

Dina giggles, "You dork." They kiss.

"I… I just don't know if this is right."

"What? Touching me?", she smiles, "You know, I'm pregnant, not dead."

"Dina, too soon."

"Sorry. But I mean it, babe", she rolls on her side to face her beloved, "Even if…", she clears her throat, "Jesse was alive, we wouldn't be together. This child doesn't tie me to him."

"Except it does", Ellie murmurs.

"Not like that", Dina's voice is serious now, they look into each other's eyes, "I'm with you, Ellie. I mean it. I carry a piece of Jesse, yes. A piece I want to take care with you by my side. That's… Is that too much to ask for?"

Ellie shakes her head vigorously, "Don't be ridiculous", she takes her girlfriend's hand in hers, "I couldn't ask for anything greater."

"Good", she kisses their entangled hands and swiftly guides them downwards. Brown eyes stare at green ones for permission. The pale digits timidly touch the skin under the blouse. It's warm and comforting.

"No wonder babies cry when they are delivered… I mean, it seems good in there."

"Oh!"

They look at each other astonished.

"Did-"

"I think...", Dina laughs, "I guess?"

"Fuck me", they giggle together as Ellie caresses her girl's stomach one more time and they again feel something akin to a kick. "Hey, buddy", Ellie whispers and smiles, "I have so many things to teach you. I hope you don't have two left feet like your dad."

Dina amused herself as Ellie kept chatting with her stomach. A warm feeling takes her over as she sees her girlfriend still carries the Hamsa bracelet. Despite the losses, despite all the hurt and hatred, Dina and Ellie went on their journey for revenge, the two of them only. And they came back alive, as three.

If this isn't luck, she doesn't know what kind of gift this is.


	2. care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is dellie-centered but Tommy and Maria deserve closure, too; keep your pants on, next chappy is about the girls again

It's been a couple of weeks since the three of them returned to Jackson. Jesse's buried next to Joel, the man he looked up to the most aside from his own father. All the village attended and the mass cried.

Except Maria.

After the ceremony everybody headed to Seth's to dinner. They all missed Tommy's leadership, Ellie's puns and Dina's joy. The whole community felt like this sort of moments should happen more often.

"Why don't we eat together once a week?", a villager suggested over dinner, "catch up on each other's lives, y'know, get to know all the gossip."

The mass laughed. And everybody raised their glasses in agreement. Everybody smiled warmly at each other.

Except for Maria.

A month and a half after Jesse's burial, Thommy headed to Ellie and Dina's to check on them. It was a wonder to witness the miracle of life on the young girl. He could see she was glowing and Ellie's giving her all to heal. After all, they were about to become a family.

_ Joel would be proud. _

He was walking around when he noticed his feet taking him to where he called home. Maria's room was lit so he came in.

"Knock knock."

He spotted platinum hair over the mirror. She probably had just gotten out of the shower.

"Tommy", she greeted without looking, "Night."

"G'night."

He stood there with nervous hands in his pockets as she walked around wrapped in a towel, another one on the top of her head, loose blonde locks on her cheeks and nape. He probably took too long looking at her since now the woman was staring at him.

"Uh, I…", he clears his throat and looks beyond the window, "I was meanin' to ask if you wanna company", he points outside, "you know, dinner."

She finishes buttoning up her shirt, "Thanks but no thanks. Not hungry."

"But you only had breakfast today", he scratched his beard as he moved closer, "Y'know,  _ someone _ taught me we gotta eat every few hours and when I didn't", he chuckled, "I'd get my ass kicked."

"This someone certainly taught you many other stuff", she closed her wardrobe, "and you definitely did not listen to every one of them."

The conversation was getting nowhere. When the woman crossed his path without looking at him, his calloused hand gently grabbed her by the arm.

"Hey now…"

"Tommy".

"We gotta talk", he continued, "Like, proper talk."

Maria sighed and stayed quiet. He looked at her neck and it saddened him, "You're not wearing it."

"I want nothing from that damned place."

"I noticed", he lets out a sad sigh, "Not even me, it seems."

"Tommy, please."

"I miss you. I miss you, Maria."

She finally looks at him. She spends a couple seconds recording his features, facing the new ones such as the couple scars, faded bruises and the blind eye. Her heart clenches at her chest as sorrow slips over.

_ No more _ , she reminds herself,  _ nobody deserves my tears anymore. _

Tommy's hand was gliding down to her lower back, his hot breath on her ear. She backs off.

"I'm done... We are.", she whispers and looks at him, her eyes fighting back tears, "When you walked out of Jackson, when you left me that letter, you ended it."

"Maria…"

"We've been through a lot", she continued, "I've been through a lot. Since Joel and Ellie showed up at our gates, I grew to love them. And although you've done things against my will, we stood together. But going on that suicide of a mission? There…", her voice breaks a little, "There I saw I had my husband no more."

Tommy kept in silence, looking at his own hands as though they still were tainted with blood. This whole journey was based on hatred and violence - things he'd decided to keep in the past as he fled the Fireflies. The Wolves, the Scars: they were the perpetuation of his former group and its misconceived values. In the end, they all were no better than FEDRA. They were no better than anyone. Including himself.

"You didn't have the right, Tommy", she hiccups against her pride and will, "You forced me to be the widow of a living man!"

Since he got back to Jackson, he didn't feel like himself. Sure, the years got him in its own ways, he wasn't so agile nor had the same energy compared to his militant time. But now? He's lost an eye, part of his mobility and the chance to properly avenge his big brother. Truly, what had the whole mess in Seattle meant? He lost Jesse, he didn't question Ellie's slaughter, he himself had killed dozen men and women fighting for a stupid cause just like he's done once. And in the end, did he get to Abby, the one who held the golf club? No. Absolutely not. Did killing all the woman's friends get him satisfaction, fulfilment? Momentarily. Yet, he didn't lose his older brother for a few hours. He lost him for life. Did it pay off, at all?

"I see."

He could see now. He lost everything he had. Certainly Joel would have done the same thing and surely he'd be up there hovering him and yelling "you stubborn asshole, an eye for an eye might only get ya kill'd…", and Joel wouldn't be able to listen to him, amidst all the screams, gunshots and deaths. And Joel would lose it all. Just like he did.

_ The Millers being balky little shites… _

"You don't have to leave", he looks at Maria as her words bring him back, "There are plenty of space here. We can settle things down without people being alarmed. I seriously don't need the attention."

"Hm", he nods, "Me neither."

"Good."

"I'll busy myself on patrols and be more present on the hunting shifts. I won't get in your way."

"Tommy."

"Yeah?"

"I love you", she holds a finger up, not allowing him to interrupt, "I may still love you but I need some healing. We both do. And I can't do it with you by my side."

"I- I understand, really."

"Good", she nods and steps back, "Deep down I know there's some thinking going on in the thick head of yours."

"Yeah, the bullet didn't get that deep", they laugh awkwardly, "I better go", she nods as he reaches the stair, "I'll... be around."

She lays a hand on her chest as he goes.

"I know you will."


	3. broken

"Babe, _please_ ", she begs with her hands on the door.

It's been a week since they got back home. Jesse's been buried and the town is trying to get back on its own feet. Tommy busied himself with patrols and several other community routines so he didn't get to see the girls much lately - which was ok, really. Dina grieves silently and has her ex-boyfriend's parents supporting her and their baby; Ellie isn't such an open person, though. She's spent the first days at home while Dina had to be brave and expose herself because of her pregnancy and for the sake of Jesse's parents. They deserve this.

But in that afternoon - that ominous afternoon - one of Earl's kids would ask her about Ellie's whereabouts and maybe it was her motherly senses in the work but she knew, she _just knew_ , something was amiss. Ellie would never leave the studio nor the carpentry unattended without letting Dina know where she'd be headed. 

In a question of minutes (and lots of persuasion), she finds out the carpentry needed supplies and the crew sure knew where to pick them. 

At Joel's.

Ellie promptly volunteered to do the task. She's always been a valuable asset to the community; yet, Dina knew better: her girlfriend wouldn't allow outsiders to tarnish holy ground. Nobody was allowed at Joel Miller's house, except for his brother Tommy, Maria and Buckley every now and then. It seemed Earl's kid was sent after Dina because Ellie hasn't returned with the material.

When the young brunette crossed the streets and ended up at Joel's, she noticed the door ajar. She looks at the pathway that leads to the place she now calls home. She opens the door carefully and inside she hears muffled cries. 

"Ellie?"

No response.

She walks to the bathroom door when she hears breaking glass.

"Ellie! Ellie?"

The freckled girl hiccups as she tries to mutter something. 

"I can't hear you", she continues, "Would you open the door for me?"

"No…", Ellie answers and cries again, "I'm all fucked up right now."

 _Fucked up? Oh no. Did she hurt herself?_ , Dina tries opening the door, even though there is no lock, she can't. It's jammed from the inside. By the sound, Ellie was on the floor, back against the entrance.

"Babe, _please_ ", she begs against the wooden barrier, "I just want to sit with you, okay?"

"I better be off alone, Dina."

She shakes her head although the other girl can't see her, "There is no way I'm gonna leave you alone."

Silence. Dina, hands on her hips, looks around to figure out how to lure her sobbing girlfriend out but she comes up with nothing, so she sighs and sits on the floor. Aside from the door, they are back to back as they used to be when Ellie and Dina would unwind about Cat and Jesse to each other. Dina decides it's better to be against the door than sitting on the bed where she could not hear any worrying sound, as if Ellie hyperventilating wasn't terrifying enough.

"Close your eyes, babe", she says with the calmest of the tones, "We got this."

"Y- Yeah…"

"Close your eyes", she does it as well, "and name five things you hear."

"The s- sink I should've fixed already."

"Hm."

"Kids fucking around", she clenches her hands, "myself sobbing, my heartbeat… your voice."

"Great", she smiles, "Now gimme four things you can touch right now."

"The cold floor", Ellie answers, "our bathtub, the rug", she touches back, "the d- door."

"That's a lotta stuff. What about smell?"

"I, ugh, my sweat", they timidly giggle, "the socks you threw out the basket and Seth's unfairly good cooking."

"Oh my", she soothes her belly. The baby sure does smell Seth's cooking, too, "Now, tell me two things you see."

"My trembling hands", her voice breaks. Dina curses herself. She was losing Ellie's attention. 

In the blink of an eye, though, she feels her support fading away as the door is opened and a fragile Ellie creeps out to sit by her side, "and you."

"C'mere", Dina opens her arms and Ellie delves on the loving embrace, "You're good, you see? You're okay."

As sheltering a lost child, they fuse into a tight, quiet hug that lasts a couple minutes. Ellie rests her runny nose on Dina's shoulder as she relaxes with the swift rubs on her back. It saddens Dina she can feel the girl's spine under her digits.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Dunno", she murmurs.

"Oh, Ellie…"

"I went to Joel's", she confesses, "I couldn't go upstairs, though."

"It's okay. No one said it would be easy."

Ellie hugs her tighter, "I feel like I failed him."

Dina ends their embrace briefly to look into greenish eyes, "Don't you say that. Joel… He'd be so proud of you. You and Tommy honored him as much as you guys could. If we hadn't stopped, more people could've died."

"I'd never let anyone lay a finger on you."

"I know. And I bet he knows that, too", she cups freckled cheeks with her hands, "No matter what afterlife we believe, wherever he is, he's proud of his baby girl, I'm sure of it."

Ellie's eyes get watery again as she sobs, "How can I make myself believe this?"

And Dina didn't know. She just doesn't. But she knows they'll be side by side to figure things out. For the time being, she hugs all Ellie's broken pieces together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually how i calm my bestfriend when she panics; take care of your buddies, y'all


	4. jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and comments, dudes; i love interacting with fellow readers :') enjoy this piece of fluff before i catch some z

Each person grieves in a different way.

After they got back, Ellie would sneak out and hang at Joel's. Albeit the night falls, she doesn't use to turn the lights on. In the dark she's able to phantom his snoring, his shameful laughs after she cracked a stupid joke, the sound of his sculpting on wood, even the smell of coffee she started to like - it is awful, yeah, but it is Joel's.

In a few weeks, hanging out there wasn't comforting anymore. The sounds and smells were no longer around. So she focuses on the community. Jackson's never seen such a big lumber pile.

Dina on the other side was more of a people person - no surprise there. Her afternoons were spent at Jesse's parents'. That's the way she copes, the way she tries to compensate their fatal recklesness back in Seattle. Their loving eyes staring at her belly healed her, even if just a little.

Things have changed the last few days as the baby had been acting up. Ellie would find Dina getting up and pacing around, trying to guess what the heck she was doing wrong for the baby to be so mean to her. Ellie could feel the pain by the grimace the shorter girl donned. Ellie would promptly get up and assure Dina she wasn't bothering her - in fact, Ellie wasn't sleeping to be begin with.

That night, when the young woman grabbed the knob, she heard a grunt. It was way past ten, work just piled up at the studio and they couldn't have dinner together. Dina went to her workplace, delivered a homemade sandwich and that was their interaction for the day. 

Ellie slowly turns the knob and pushes the front door, "Babe?", she says, "I'm home". She's received with another grunt coming from their bed. Dina was shifting in her sleep, one hand clenching the sheets, the other on her stomach. Ellie got on her knees, intertwining their fingers.

"Dina". 

Brown eyes start to open leisurely, "You're back", she whispers. Ellie nods, "Yup", she caresses her knuckles with her thumb, "Cramps again?"

Dina shakes her head slightly, "My back is killing me. I can't sleep."

 _Welcome to the club_ , Ellie's mind shots at her.

"Aw man", she pouts, "No smooch-smooch tonight then", Dina stares at her, "I'm just kidding! C'mere."

The pale girl unbuttons her jeans and gets on her scruffy boxers in a second. She hops on the mattress sitting on her favorite side and spreads her legs apart, tapping the space between them. The pregnant brunette is not very happy since thd cuddling requires her to move but the invitation seems promising. She crawls her way to her girlfriend, resting her sore back on Ellie's delicate chest. She gets a chaste kiss on her shoulder, "Is it any better?".

She dismounts at the warmth of her beloved's body, " _Much_ better. Thanks, babe. You're so good to us" and like that Dina unites their pairs of hands over her chubby belly.

At first, they both found odd, the lump in the middle of Dina's slim figure. With time, though, her whole body adjusted to it. Her hips are heavier and broader than usual on Ellie's lap, she sometimes even snorts a little due to the weight she gained; her skin is firmer, her face rounder and brighter. One can see _life_ out of her as she smiles. Marlene rarely talked about Ellie's mother but she sure did mention Anna used to glow. Dina was Mother Nature herself.

"Hey, buddy", said Ellie, resting her chin between Dina's head and collar bone to have a better look at the baby lump, "You gotta cut mama some slack. It ain't easy to live for three."

"Three?", Dina asked.

"Yeah", she nuzzles her cheek, "You're the life of the three of us."

The pregnant girl lets out a hearty chuckle, "What a romantic goofball of a girlfriend I fetched myself."

"You're welcome?"

"Shut up."

"I'd usually say 'make me' but it doesn't seem to be the proper occasion."

The girls laugh and stay in comfortable silence while Ellie smoothed the tight knots on Dina's neck and shoulders, her skilled thumbs working on her lower back.

"Hm", Dina purrs, "This is nice."

Another kiss, "I know."

Dina brings their arms up so she can kiss freckled skin in return but quickly bends over.

"Woah there!", Dina pivots to face her, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I-", she holds her belly and chuckles, "I think someone's jealous."

They look at Dina's stomach, then at each other and laugh despite the pain. Ellie lies Dina down beside her and points an accusing finger to her belly, "You selfish little shit".

"Manners!", her frown quickly changes to a smirk, "Although you just said what I think every time she kicks."

"Oh, you think it's a she?"

She shrugs, "I may have had a dream."

"Do tell me!"

"No."

"What, why?"

"...it's embarrassing."

"Now it's my civil duty to know it!"

Dina grabs Ellie by the collar and bites her right cheek, "It is your civil duty to shush and cuddle with us, that's it."

The other girl laughs it off and complies, "Damn, that as well."

Ellie was still getting used being the bigger spoon so they shift for a while until finding the perfect posistion. She can hear Dina's breath changing so she kisses her girlfriend good night and mumbles over brunette locks, "I'll pry that dream of yours, just so you wait."

Dina groans back in defeat, "I am aware..."


	5. certainty

Ellie sinks the pitchfork into the hay. She remembers when she first got in Jackson many years ago. She used to complain about how boring farming and stable duty is. Back then, she was eager to go on patrol so she wouldn't soften up like all the other teenagers - all of them except Dina. Aside from Cat and Jesse who were the nicest since their arrival, the shorter brunette with dark brown eyes, strong nose and a shit-eating smile turned out to be the ballsiest around the young ranks. She approached Ellie without further caution and they clicked immediately. Dina's always been there for Ellie. Through the getting-to-know the community to falling in love with Cat, who sort of forced her to come out as well, to their break-up (amidst Jesse and Dina's many ruptures) and so on. It was a brighter, simpler time the slim girl currently tries rescuing from the past to survive the present. So the dried hay, the smell of horse shit on her canvas shoes and the long grooming on every damn horse that once were absolutely mortifying moments are now cherished times, the slices of life her fucked up mind doesn't remind her of all the violence out there. 

Ellie even wonders if the teenagers back in the day were _that_ wrong about softening up.

She was on group patrol for a year and a half when all the other kids of her age were finally put into the schedule by Tommy and Maria. Everyone was mad at her for a while, except Dina and Cat, and they truly were everyone she cared about. Dina would even sass about her friend being a killer prodigy. In hindsight, Dina always gave away her quirk interest on Ellie. Even when they were with Jesse and Cat, they pressed the other's buttons just right. And back then, they just assumed that was the best they could get from each other. Time would tell that that simply wasn't enough.

Her flannel is soaked in sweat and dirt and when she notices this she looks outside the barn. The orange sun is heading westwards. She safely bets she's spent at least five hours busy enough not to trigger herself in any way - when she takes her shirt off and hears a timid whistle, she's taken aback by her weak legs.

"Hi", a young woman says and offers a shy smile. 

The whole Seattle massacre happened in less than a week but Jackson overall seemed foreigner. It surprised her the sight of timid slit eyes and inked forearms could hit her with such big amount of _home_.

"Cat, hi."

They stand like that for a while, a bit ways away from each other. Ellie's ex-girlfriend wraps her arms around herself while Ellie rests her hands awkwardly on her own hips. She notices the black-haired looks at her strong arms and shoulders a bit too long, making her self-conscious.

"I, uh, heard you're back in town", she breaks the silence, "I was meaning to see you… you girls, but due to the circumstances…", Ellie nods, "I'm so sorry."

Ellie shrugs it off, "Don't be. It's okay, really."

They stay in silence again, Ellie picking up the pitchfork to have something to busy herself with. She feels Cat getting closer.

"I.. We were all sick worried about you."

"I know…"

"But we all understood what you had to do."

"Hm", she nods, "I really felt welcomed back. Even that bigot motherfucker cried."

Cat giggled. And Ellie didn't know she missed that timid laugh. Cat's eyes closed even more and her little nose wrinkled like a child's. Her expression changed rapidly as she feels they cut enough tension between them.

"How are you, El?"

" 'm good."

"So you're not", she states with pain in her voice. Ellie chuckles.

"If you already have an opinion, why did you ask?"

"Because I know you."

"Cat…"

"Listen, Ellie", she moves closer, "When you, Tommy and Dina got back. Well, actually, when you and Dina left, I knew it", she takes Ellie's hand in hers, "I care deeply about you, though, so I couldn't sit and watch."

Ellie looks intensively at her, at their hands together. Cat continues, "I'm not here to be a bitch and give you girls a hard time. I'm not a sore loser."

"Cat, I…"

"Can't you listen?", she snaps and murmurs, "You never listen", Ellie bits her own lips shut, "I just needed closure. Okay? And, just, fully make known I'm here for you _and Dina_ , though I don't think she appreciates that."

"She doesn't hate you."

"Oh, don't worry", she quips, "I know how jealousy works."

They laugh for a brief moment as Cat sets Ellie's hand free.

"Anyways, take care, alright? Take care of yourself and Dina and the baby. By the way, congrats. This is gonna be challenging."

Ellie chuckles, "you don't say. I had to get mashed banana with tuna last night."

"Ew!"

"I know!", they smile, "Anywho, I gotta go back home. Thanks for stopping by."

"Don't mention it", she shrugs it off amicably and then frowns her pale forehead covered with a thick fringe, "Well, about mentioning, perhaps you should not tell Dina we hung out at the stable. Women, dude."

"Nah, it's fine. Dina's not like that."

Around eight Maria hears knocking at her door. She goes downstairs swiftly, ready for any kind of news.

It's just Ellie anchoring her thumbs on her backpack straps.

"Hey, can I stay here while Dina calms down?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dina? hello? (⊙▂⊙


	6. home

After many weeks of weird weather, the sun finally provides its mighty warmth. The couple wished they had a better start this morning but the night was bumpy with nausea and violent cramps. They pondered going to the medic clinic but Robin, Jesse's father, checked on them and whatever tea he made calmed his grandchild down. 

God blesses grandpa.

Dina decided to catch some fresh air and warm herself up under the morning sun. Ellie helped her walk all the way to Joel's porch, which was proving to be harder each passing week of pregnancy. They sat down on the front wooden bench Joel carved himself - Dina taking most part of it as Ellie juggles her guitar on one thigh and her girlfriend's head on the other. She mindlessly touches the chords when Dina starts a conversation.

"We still didn't pick the color."

"The cradle's?"

"Yeah."

She plays a suspense tune to annoy Dina before properly answering.

"We don't know if it's a boy or a girl", she scratches her chin, "so, uh, why not white?"

"Hm", Dina nods and pats her own stomach, "We approve it."

"At your service", she smirks when Dina raises one thick eyebrow, "What now?"

"Well", she trails off with that sweet voice of hers, "if you're really  _ really _ at our service, you wouldn't mind singing a little bit, would you?"

Ellie sighs already aware of her defeat - who could deny anything to those big pleading eyes of Dina?

"Sheesh, lemme think."

She moves her digits over the chords, trying to remember a decent song to play to her favorite duo as they sunbathe on the porch. The tips of her fingers gently hit an Am, then a Dm, then an E and back to Am. She watches the expression of curiosity on the brunette's features, encouraging her to keep playing whatever she's playing. At first, she just murmurs the lyrics to get the pace right. Dina closes her eyes as the intro gets even. A few villagers pass by spotting the private show and don't disturb them.

Ellie takes the time to think about what they have ahead of them. Those who stuck too long around her had died and she herself had never had a motherly figure to base her behavior on. Anna's letter and a blade were the only proofs of her biological mother. Marlene was too military for that role. Tess didn't survive long enough and Maria is more like a boss than a mother figure. 

The couple times Dina talked about her parents, she showed affection towards her mother and big sister, so Ellie was secure she's going to do just great. 

This doubt about herself, though, was something she didn't feel like sharing with Dina. Not that she doesn't trust her significant other, no - on the contrary, she trusts her to death and back; she just doesn't feel like it's fair to be a burden over and over again. They haven't had any "excitement", as Dina likes to call it, for around a month now. Everytime Ellie snaps, the girl is there for her, even though she should focus on the baby and herself. Days like the one they share now are getting rarer and stupid doubts about her own competence couldn't ruin that. The young woman would just have to figure things out along the way like Dina did when she lost her family and had to keep going - keep living. Dina didn't find a parental figure out there like Ellie did when things went south. As far as they've talked about it, the Jewish girl tagged along to a caravan and when they passed by Jackson, she felt that there was a decent place to settle down. The caravan left and again she was by herself, yet there she felt like her own person. Ellie and Joel would show up in her life much later and it fascinates Ellie to this day how mature her girlfriend is. Even the pregnancy, from the very start she managed to joke about it ( _ "Don't worry, Ellie. It's not yours" _ ). The least that wonderful woman on her lap deserves is someone who got their shit together to raise a child and provide. 

_ I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger _

_ Traveling through this world below _

Ellie knew it wasn't being easy to recover. Nightmares, lack of appetite, anxiety and insomnia are her current companions, but she has to deal with it all, bottle them up if needed not to lose the fragment of humanity she still has.

_ There is no sickness, no toil, nor danger _

_ In that bright land to which I go _

She looks at Dina, she's sure she is asleep.

_ I'm going there to see my Mother _

_ She said she'd meet me when I come _

_ So, I'm just going over Jackson _

_ I'm just going over home _

She plays the final chords and rests a hand on Dina's belly, "I'm going over home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've taken few liberties on the lyrics but the core is the same. ashley johnson sings wayfaring stranger during that tlou's live; so if you wanna listen to ellie singing it, you're in luck (:


	7. a way out

"Tommy and I were talking", she grabs the proffered cup of tea, "Thank you, Dina."

It was late evening when Maria knocked on their door without further notice. At first, the couple was worried something had happened - Ellie actually wondered if the townsfolk finally realized she's a jinx to the community. Wherever she is, death finds its way. 

It was nothing like that, though.

"You were talking and…?"

The two women were at the small table Tommy brought from Joel's. Dina prepared three cups of steaming tea Robin dropped by earlier that day.

"You up for some patrolling?"

Dina gently intervenes, "Already?", they look at her, "I mean, we've been here for a couple of months now but…", she looks at Ellie, trying not to offend the young woman and her capabilities, "we've been through a lot."

Maria nods understandably as she takes a sip of the mysterious concoction, "That's why I'm here. I need to know you're good to go before I give the guys the green light to assign you. You know, we can start with farming routines."

"You know I hate that stuff."

"I know", she chuckles, "I just want to do what is right for you", she points at the two of them, "I don't want to push you and Dina can't be unassisted for too long, either."

"I'm more than fine. Jesse's parents busy myself throughout the day", the girl rests her hands on top of her girlfriend's shoulder, making her look up at her behind the chair she sits on, "Ellie's well being is what matters."

"Agreed. It's up to you."

Ellie stares at the steam coming out of her untouched tea. She knows she eventually has to take a sip not to disappoint Dina but she doesn't feel like drinking. Actually, it's been days she just doesn't feel like eating and it's visible on her body, her ribs were more prominent, her cheekbones stronger-looking, eye sockets deeper. In comparison to Dina, her complexion has always been paler but staying at home every time she wasn't at the carpentry, another closed room, turned out to make her look like a ghost. She's been trying to sunbathe with Dina and the baby (her "favorite duo") every available morning.

Ellie enjoyed her time at the studio and carpentry. It busies her mind long enough not to do anything stupid. Patrolling could be good. She'd have to be alert all the time, not giving room to irresponsible thoughts. She'd have to give her best to get back to Dina and the baby. Also, being amid the action is the best way to show her value and actually earn her place in Jackson. Many days she feared she wasn't welcome anymore even though nobody had done nor said anything to her or her small family. She just felt the same way she did when Riley passed away, when they witnessed Sam and Henry's demise and had to keep going. She wondered for a long time why she's been the one to survive when Anna, Riley, Tess, Sam, Henry, Frank, Jesse - fuck, countless people were as worthy.

"I'm game."

Maria looks at Dina who scrutinizes the determination in the girl's reply.

"I'm game", she repeats and rests a hand on top of Dina's, "I need to get out a bit and be useful."

"You _are_ useful."

"I _know,_ Dina. Just gimme credit to take this step, okay?"

"Of course, babe", Dina finally sits down, "I just don't want you to think nonsense", she looks at Maria, "If she's good, I'm good."

"Awesome. I'll let the crew know."

The following day hasn't fully awaken when Ellie and a couple of villagers crossed Jackson's borders into the wild. Dina made sure she grabbed enough nuts and jerky, an extra hoodie and lots of arrows. This week, her girlfriend is in charge of hunting and both Tommy and Maria knew Ellie prefers to do it alone so she got no partner - at least no official one. They sure named someone to keep a low profile and follow the girl.

What the person didn't know, however, was that Ellie could keep it even lower.

It took her less than fifteen minutes to disappear from their radar into the thick foliage. The ski lodge is just a few minutes. She knows the place isn't quite accessible on foot so very few infected were spotted there.

The sun was reaching its peak when Ellie spotted a moose passing by a small recently thawed lake. 

Oh, man. She catches that big boy that old bigot will have a chopping allnighter.

It takes her about twenty minutes and two arrows to make the animal surrender. It just ran off bleeding out towards a very steep hill. Ellie takes her time and saves energy to bring the animal back. 

All her planning was thrown out the window wheb she reaches the highest land. The moose was dead down there, yes, but beyond the hill…

_... Man._

She guessed she walked a mile and a half of dried grass and wheat to step on the creaky porch. The front door was jammed so she had to go around, climb up to the second floor and break through what seemed to be the master room to get inside. The place was decent. A bit dusty but you couldn't ask for much after an outbreak. Not having to worry about the forest taking over and damaging the whole place is great enough for her and she feels like it is going to be great enough for Dina, too. They could make Dina's dream of living in a farm again come true. Ellie even spots a lost cow looking for some green grass.

"I'm gonna call you Moo-riel."

The sun's set when she sees Jackson's not-so-discreet lights once again. Back in the farm she found an old fodder tray and a couple of ropes to tow her prize back home. If Tommy managed to calm Maria down with gold, she feels she's gonna do a nice job with her prey.

"Dina, I'm back", she takes her bloodied boots off before entering not to mess up the whole place, "Dina? Woah!"

"Oh, God", Dina smashes her against the closed door in a desperate hug, "Oh fucking God, I'm so happy to see you."

Ellie chuckles and hugs her girlfriend back, giving her a peck on the forehead, "What a nice welcome."

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too, babe. Although I've been out for a couple hours only."

Dina kisses her cheek, "I know. I just… You're home", she rests Ellie's hand on her heaving chest, "You are home to me."

Ellie just craves Dina's touch even more. They stay against the main door entangled on each other's arms for a while, breathing each other's scent and sensing their beloved's warmth.

"I found us a place", Ellie whispers on black locks.

"Like a real house?"

She nods, "I think you're gonna love it."

"Maria can walk us there tomorrow."

"I don't think she knows the place."

Dina's eyebrow raises in all its full inquisitiveness, "What do you mean by that?"

They hold hands and move to the bed before Ellie speaks again.

"It's not in Jackson."

And like that she takes her journal out of her backpack and shows Dina some sketches of the place and what she thinks they can plant and herd. There's even a functional barn over there.

"And Moo-riel, she's all cute and chubby I swear she knows where the good stuff is."

Dina giggles, "Oh yeah?"

It's the first time since they came back from Seattle that the brunette sees her girlfriend truly eager about something so she lets her babble on. After a few minutes, Ellie seems to notice she's in the middle of a monologue.

"So, uh, I think you'd like the farm", she closes her journal, "It's not so far our friends from Jackson can't visit us but we'll have our privacy. Tommy and I can fix the fences, the main door... and the window I broke, we can move our stuff there as I patrol and hunt. I'm sure Maria's gonna support us a few months."

Dina caresses the back of Ellie's hand with her thumb and smiles, "I think we should totally give it a try."

"Are you for real?"

"If I am for real?", she chuckles, "Ellie, I haven't seen you this talkative in months. You go, I go, remember? End of story."

Ellie lets out a wet chuckle and leans forward to kiss her love. The kiss is meaningful and salty, followed by many more during the long night under the comforter. It's the first time Ellie sleeps without nightmarish interruptions as she literally counts sheep laying on Dina's warm chest.


	8. effect

Ellie looks up and figures it's time to go back home - but first one last long puff. The stars are dull and then suddenly brighter than the rising sun. The trees hazy undulating bodies.

She's high as fuck.

Earlier that day she jumps off the bed soaked in her own sweat and tears. She feels like she's in a warzone as she silently yet clumsily makes her way to the bathroom. She grips the edge of the sink and stares down at the dripping water, biting the inside of her lips not to cry aloud. Her scarred forearm stings somehow and fear takes over her.

When she gets to her senses, she's out in the woods, wearing an oversized hoodie and socks. To ease the cold, she fishes a cigar from her pocket and walks mindlessly over Jackson's perimeters.

It's a cold morning but there is no wind so smoking in the woods is quite pleasant. She blows some smoke rings while making sense of her current nightmares. A door or window being shut in the distance are enough to trigger her and adrenaline spikes like a skyrocket. Her body, her _skin_ is just ready to go, ready to survive, ready to kill. At this point, she just feels thankful she never hit Dina or broke something as she suddenly gets up from her wet spot on their bed.

Ellie remembers Joel would sometimes talk in his sleep and wake up in the middle of the night. Even in Jackson, every now and then Joel used to be by himself on the porch at odds hours or dealing with the horses when the stable wasn't open yet.

She gets to her feet with ease although she's light-headed and her feet are wobbly - pushing the lit end of her joint (provided by Eugene's stash) into the pebbles. It fizzes out and she tosses it in a puddle - _nobody wants a wildfire, do they?_

Luckily she fled to the woods in the back of their place so it's an easy walk back. Sure, those socks will never be repaired but whatever.

When Ellie touches the front door she feels like those superheroes from the comics she eventually finds on her patrols - an extra _sense_ just alerts her of incoming danger.

A small, pregnant danger.

"Morning", she says and it comes out more like a question than a greeting.

Dina is standing there with her arms crossed over a cute belly that is just getting rounder. The shorter woman takes a deep breath and heads back to turn the lights off.

"It's not even morning yet. Get back to bed."

Ellie complies with no comeback or snarky comment. Dina knows something is off.

As they lie down, she looks at Ellie and sees her red eyes. She knows it's not from crying, though.

"Babe, you're high."

A lazy grin spreads across her freckled face, "I'm fucking baked."

Dina doesn't show a smile. She keeps looking at Ellie's face, "Why?".

The taller girl feels like a child under the watch of those two big brown eyes. She looks up to the ceiling, now filled with glow-in-the-dark stars, and licks her lips.

"I had this dream."

"Mhm."

"And I had to go out."

"In the middle of the night."

"Yeah, I- I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?", she repeats and her voice gets louder at each word, "And you think it doesn't hurt to wake up and not have you by my side? You nowhere to be seen?"

"I… am sorry", Ellie sits down and rests her back against the wall, the combs her hair in disarray, "I thought I was doing the right thing…"

"You _talk to me_ ", Dina cuts her off, her voice tempered, "this is the right thing."

Ellie nods in shame, not being able to look Dina in the eyes, her fingers just becoming more interesting than anything else. It surprises her when a warm body straddles her and rests on her lap. Dina takes Ellie's nervous hands into hers and brings them up to her lips to a loving kiss, then rests their foreheads together.

"You talk to me", she says again.

And Ellie feels like crying out again, her lips about to bleed from all the biting. She leans forward, burrowing her face on Dina's smooth skin between the neck and shoulder. She kisses Dina's neck, across her clavicle and anywhere the thin tank-top she is wearing doesn't cover.

"Ain't good with words", she whispers back and returns to the kissing session. Yet, Dina keeps focused in the conversation.

"Then sing, or draw. You're an artist, babe. You gotta put it all out."

"You don't have to worry that much."

Dina pulls back, "Oh, really?", Ellie can feel the fakeness of it, "Fuck, why didn't you tell me sooner? Now I ain't gonna worry! Gosh, that's a relief."

"Don't mock me", Ellie groans, "You know what I mean."

"Yeah", Dina chuckles, "Nonsense."

And by that Ellie knows that is no battle to be won - at least not by her. Dina always wins because Dina's always right.

"I can't get Seattle out of my head", she finally says, "I can't get… Abby out of my head."

Dina encourages her to keep talking with the gentle scratching of her nails on her scalp.

"Every sound, every scent - shit just triggers me as if what I've done - _we've_ done meant nothing", she fights back tears, "Joel's not coming back, I hurt Tommy, we lost Jesse, you… I could've lost _you_ …", and her voice breaks into a messy sob. Dina muffles the agony with a strong embrace, she just hopes it's strong enough to keep Ellie from falling apart again. At the same time, she knows crying is a fine remedy. She did cry like a noisy baby for weeks when she lost her family. It's ok. She wasn't weak. Tears are actually proof of humanity and being human may mean being vulnerable. They endure, they survive but fuck, they cry, too. They are both lucky to have each other to lean on when sorrow rears its ugly head. She knows the discontent underlying Ellie's every-day jokes and smoking breakouts too damn well.

"I can't erase all this suffering. No one can. It's gonna be with us until we're gone", and Ellie sobs ever louder, "Our hands are tied when it comes to the past but…", she rises Ellie's crying face to her eye level, "but we do whatever we want with what is ahead of us."

The girl moves their hands together on her belly bump, "We got this. Don't they deserve better than trauma and violence?"

Ellie nods, "yeah."

"So let's live day by day, okay? And share whenever we feel vulnerable and lost. Focus on the farm, mhm? I'm sure we'll have a shit ton of things to do there."

"I will, yes", she mumbles, "You're gonna rest."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever makes you sleep at night", she mumbles back, "Oh. Is that a smile?"

"No", but Ellie has to bit her lips from curling upwards.

"It does look like a smile."

"St… Stop it, you idiot."

"Aw, Freckles, no need to be shy about it", she sways her ponytail in a fabulous (ridiculous) way, "I know I have this effect on people."

And Ellie looks at the woman on her lap, the first rays of light touching her tanned skin. She swears Dina's the most beautiful thing she has ever been lucky to see.

"You have no idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is nobody talking about ellie's journal entry that her skin hurts??


	9. pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that you're here lemme remind you to wash your fucking hands; you're welcome.

September 26.

It could've been an earthquake. It could've been a tsunami, a volcano eruption or the flu. 

September 26 marks the day the cordyceps fungus hit the Earth: the news named it the Outbreak Day.

Kids nowadays know less and less about the Old World - as called by the Seraphites - but in Jackson the elder community tried to preserve bits of their past reality. One of these bits was making a ceremony out of important days. Birthdays, the arrival of a newborn, school graduation, marriage, the change of seasons. Of course things weren't like back in the day but the core was there: music, food and dear people together.

To them, the day the planet went to shit was as important as those.

Ellie doesn't count the days as older villagers do. She sees no point in doing it. So September 26 always suddenly comes although signs are given the preceding days. Earl gets quieter at the dam, a few people can be spotted crying or silently grieving around, some gather at Seth's and drink and tell tales from early 2000s, the 90s and 80s - the "good old years".

It could've been an earthquake. It could've been a tsunami, a volcano eruption or the flu.

"Gimme the flour."

"Yes, ma'am."

Ellie stands aside the counter carefully watching Dina do her magic. As part of the Outbreak Day celebration, people willingly contribute with something that reminds them of the past, when days were simpler. That event itself is fated to end at some point since all people born in the Old World will eventually pass away; to remedy that, parents and older siblings teach the young ones the families' culture and ancestry. 

Dina's from a Jewish bloodline, her people survived many perils throughout the history of humankind. The Outbreak just became one of many and as such, in honor to her relatives, she prepares a special dish every year. 

This year she's cooking challah bread.

Well,  _ they _ are.

The couple concluded since they're becoming a solid family in the next months, they should create their own costumes. Unfortunately, Ellie doesn't have much to contribute, her mother living a short life, Marlene too busy with the militia. Joel used to mention parts of his daily life with Tommy and Sarah, something about a day they showed gratitude and celebrate the harvest of the past year. What really caught her attention, though, was the size of the turkeys the Texas brothers would hunt. 

No way they were the size of a dog. She bets Joel was shitting her.

Anyways, Dina had more family time than Ellie did so they stick with Dina's stuff.

"Now, you add more flour if necessary and knead the dough", she slightly punches Ellie's arm, "Put these guns to work, Freckles."

Ellie chuckles and pretends to be a physiculturist, just like in the posters she once saw in a abandoned gym.

Dina flexes her arms as well but her growing belly creates a ridiculous pose.

"You look like a turtle seen from above."

"The cutest turtle you've ever seen", she snarks and rests her forearms on Ellie's shoulders, "Admit it."

"Hm", she dips her index finger over the white flour and glazes a bit of it on her girlfriend's cheek, "The hottest."

Dina tip-toes and gives the taller woman a kiss before reminding her about the culinary task at hand.

"Oh, right. The bread", Ellie fakes a surprised look as her eyes follow Dina's swaying hips.

Since they don't have a proper kitchen at their garage-of-a-house and Dina long left her former cabin vacant, the brown-eyed girl assumed that year she would have to cook at the community kitchen downtown. It took her aback when Ellie mentioned they could cook at the kitchen - Joel's kitchen.

They headed in after grabbing all the ingredients through the past days. Ellie would patrol for the community and takes her time at any market or abandoned house to look for her beloved's requested items.

It took Ellie less time to enter the house than after Joel's burial. It made Dina so proud. She didn't know such baby steps could make her that happy.

"Where were you?"

"Had to pee", Dina takes a deep breath and goes back to the kitchen, "I'm practically a loose hose at this point."

"Oh man", she chuckles.

"Yeah, anyways, lemme braid this sucker before it rises."

The brunette takes three small pieces of dough, skilfully rolls them and adds a bit of flour to be able to braid the snake-y shapes. It's beautiful to see her cooking. She talks idly about her mother and Talia when she does things she used to do with them. Ellie swears those moments are the ones Dina's voice is the sweetest and her eyes are the brightest. It must be good having relatives. Ellie thinks about all the things Dina will teach their kid.

"Would you, please, stop drooling over my cooking skills and grease the tray over there?"

The taller woman slides her lower back over the counter and kisses Dina's nape, "I'm drooling over you, silly."

Dina quirks an eyebrow and whistles in a funny way but nods at the tray to make her point clear.

Few hours later they uncover the tray and admire the beautiful egg bread. Dina gives Ellie a handful of poppy seeds and they both sprinkle it to finish the dish.

"Can we eat it?"

"Not yet. Let's eat with everybody else."

"Do we really have to?"

Dina makes a face. Ellie didn't offer resistance about this social event until now so it kind of puts her down to see her girlfriend getting anxious.

"I'm sorry. Don't mind me. Let's go."

Dina gets in her way, "If you'll feel better, I can go by myself and then bring you a piece of it?"

Ellie shakes her head, "I'm done letting you do stuff alone", she takes a deep breath and holds tan hands in her shaky ones, "Let's go."

"Okay."

They walk down the path to the church that's been refurbished the past months. In front of the cathedral people gathered to listen to the annual speech.

It could've been an earthquake. It could've been a tsunami, a volcano eruption or the flu.

"It doesn't matter", Maria says in front of all her people, "Life goes on, with ready triggers and clenched fists. Jackson is proof we people thrive once again and we watch each other's back to ensure we're all doing our best."

Everyone nodded, a few applauded discreetly. Maria looks at them and it surprises her to see Ellie making her way to a less crowded space so Dina can watch the whole thing in peace.

"We lost many this year", she looks at Robin, "and a couple more last year. Loss is around us", she looks at a lonely Tommy around the corner, "and this day may represent it but it also shows us resilience. After the infection, the FEDRA, Fireflies, the Wolves", she looks at Ellie, "we keep our ground. A wise man from the past once said we must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools", she spotted some villagers raising their fist in support, "We ain't no fools."

"We ain't no fools!", a few repeated in a louder tone.

"And we will move on and be grateful as ever."

The speech got many reactions. While some made the sign of the cross, others got on their knees and bowed down or held their hands high up to sky. 

Dina and Ellie felt holding each other's hands very tightly was enough.

The whole community head into the cathedral, the place now not being a Christian building - more like a sacred place open for all beliefs. The carpentry crew had spent the last weeks working on a immense Ponderosa pine dining table to host the annual ceremony. Even though Ellie didn't feel like celebrating, she felt pride of her work. The girl was one of the fiercest timber cutters in all Jackson (dare she says the whole Wyoming?) and that beautiful table took her nights away. They ate with no restraint, they drank without moderation. 

The Outbreak Day is about the losses, about the gains, about survival and above all, gratitude.

The couple reflected about it during dinner. Dina lost her mother and sister, and Ellie, well, pretty much everyone.

"But I also met you, so…", Dina smiles and rests her cheek on Ellie's shoulder as they walk back home, "It's good enough."

Ellie stops on her tracks.

"Enough?"

"Yeah."

She scoffs, "First a six, now I'm  _ enough _ ."

"Aw, did I hurt someone's pride?"

"Of course you fucking did", and Dina laughs at the young woman stomping ahead by herself, "You're a pain in the ass sometimes."

Dina hugs Ellie from behind, so tight the freckled woman worries about the baby.

"I am  _ your _ pain in the ass."

Ellie looks up at the starry sky, she swears she sees a shooting star, Dina still against her back.

"Yep, all mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you think it would be a sad chapter because it's called 'pain'? (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞


	10. anew

"Ye gonna dig a hole on the porch."

The young woman didn't answer Tommy's attempt to break the ice. When the town got the news, he insisted to make Ellie company, as he was certain his big brother would. He knew it wouldn't be the same but he and Maria were the only family the girl has.

Standing outside was excruciating. Her relentless pacing wears her shoes out but there was nothing else she could do - no one allowed her to.

She recalls she was at the barn sorting dried hay when she noticed Maria grabbing people and getting directions. When a townsfolk pointed at the barn and the older woman breathlessly called her, she knew it was time.

"Where is she?", she asks, not looking back as she jogs across the town.

"We took her to the clinic."

"We got some stuff arranged", she moves her hands through her hair, "clothes and- and the grandma knitted this cute tiny little beanie and socks. Although it's not that cold, is it?", she takes a deep breath, "Oh man, perhaps it's cold for babies?"

Maria stops on her tracks and grabs Ellie by the shoulders, "Calm. Down". Ellie nods nervously and the woman continues, "Everything is going to be fine. Dina and the baby are being assisted and Jackson will provide as much blankets as they need to stay warm, okay?"

Before the girl could answer, she feels her slim figure being crushed in an awkward yet caring embrace.

"A miracle is happening down the street. You go and be there for Dina."

"R- Right."

And like that Maria is gone. Ellie's feet take her to the cosy dwelling the people of Jackson set up their clinic. Tommy was already there with Buckley between his brown boots. When she tries to go in, the door is locked.

"What the fuck?"

"They told us not to disturb", he answers.

"Disturb? My girlfriend is fucking there. I'm not disturbing!"

"Now that you yellin', you are", she groans and he continues, "Trust me, it ain't gonna be pretty in there. You better stay here with Buckley and I and wait 'till they call us in, eh?"

She takes a deep breath, noticing her hands shaking from not being on control of things. 

"Fine."

It wasn't fine. The whole time in Seattle, leaving Dina by herself at the theater had been dreadful. She would walk across that wet town with a heavy heart at the possibility of Dina feeling unwell and alone. Although she got blind at the moment she was killing, Dina never left her thoughts. They were safe now, "at home" as Dina says, but Ellie couldn't get to her. She was vulnerable and Ellie, powerless.

At some point she wonders how their lives are going to be from now on. They had almost nine months to learn how to deal with pregnancy and the nearing reality of a child between them. An unexpected child doesn't mean an unwanted one and both girls, soon-to-be parents, gave their best to make that clear. Amid massive episodes of anxiety and sorrow, Ellie never rejected Dina and the baby a smile, a gentle touch or company on painful sleepless nights. They were actually Ellie's best getaway for insomnia. If the baby was acting up, she didn't need an excuse for her shadowy eyebags the day after or midnight strolls for snacks. That's what parents do, isn't it?

Parents.

She sits on the porch steps and opens her backpack, an old piece of paper in her hands.

_ I'm trying to make you proud. _

The cottage's door opens slowly - too slowly for the quickness of Tommy and Ellie's pace. The lady who comes out is taken aback by their approach but soon dismisses it with a gentle smile and a nod of her head. Tommy smiles broadly as he shoves Ellie inside. Each step she takes makes her conscious of her surroundings in a weird way. The walls move and the floor feels fluffy, the people inside talk in hushed tones, it feels like white noise in her head. The only normal, stable object is the door at the end of the corridor. She sees people passing by, merely blurs carrying medical supplies and a couple of bloodied towels and gowns, her trembling hand reaches the door knob and she doesn't know if the metal is hot or really cold, she just let the intense difference in temperature wrap around her fist. 

She opens the door.

Ellie had never been a big fan of kids. She could tolerate them, yes, but she's never been a sucker. Sometimes she would even wonder how Joel didn't just left her in Boston.  _ If I'm annoying now, imagine 5 years ago.  _ And yet, staring at that single bed got her awestruck.

The baby is just a few minutes old and she can swear to God it's the prettiest thing she's ever seen. She remembers Joel once told her all kids look like knees when they're born. That baby, though. He or she was the prettiest knee she's ever seen. A potato, really. Those big curious eyes and chubby rosy cheeks. Little sausages of fingers grabs Dina's index with determination. Oh, and Dina… she was a sweaty mess. The prettiest mess in town, with the brightest grin on her lips.

"Oh", she quips, "Look who came to see us."

The baby locks eyes with Ellie as though they did understand what their mother just said. And for the first time in forever, Ellie's chest is warm, her breath is easy, her shoulders are light again. She knees down beside them, kisses Dina's wet and salty forehead, never taking her eyes off of hazel ones.

"Hi, buddy."

"JJ."

She smiles and curses her cheeks from squeezing teary eyes, "Hi, JJ."

She rests her hand on Dina's and the small baby grabs her thumb. She swears she can look at both of them forever and JJ can hold her hand day and night.

_ And if you let go, I'll just grab your tiny hand again. _

The baby giggles. Ellie giggles, too. She looks through the window, up to the sky. She isn't religious but she just knows that moment is outwordly. She stares at the sky while nuzzles little JJ and holds Dina's hands. For a brief moment it doesn't hurt to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end, i guess? prompts are still appreciated and i may come back if i have an urge but yeah, thanks for the support :)


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